A Chapter of My Life
by DreamyPeas23
Summary: Sawyer tells his New Year Eve Night :
1. Chapter 1 : in English

It ends. It was kind of unreal. We were in this situation, this world for so long. Personally, I thought it will never end. We just had to get used. I got used. I lived there, I will never forget this period of my life. I can't forget the crash. I can't forget the wounds. I can't forget the feelings. But now, I am saved. We are saved. I don't think Doc was right, it wasn't our destiny. I still don't believe in destiny. Nothing is written. You make your life, you make your story. You make choices which can influence everything. That's what I think. Doc left thinking it was written, we tried to help him, and we tried to convince him to not carry on. But he did. He chose. It hurt a lot of survivors, but what's done is done. I didn't see the others so much, except my old buddy Hurley.

"Are you coming over tomorrow?"

"Why should I?" I answered to him.

"Because it's New Year Eve and there's a party."

"I don't party."

"You suck."

I frowned at him.

"Give me one reason to come, Hugo."

He looked at me with innocent eyes and smiled.

"She said she would come."

"Who?"

"You suck."

I turned my gaze away. I knew I sucked. I knew who 'she' was. But I didn't see her since our saving. I thought she would be happier without me. That was true because the last time I heard about her, she was dating a lawyer… well that's what Hurley said.

"Is she coming with her boyfriend?"

Hurley shrugged eating his taco. "You will see… if you come."

I shook my head. And once again, he won.

***

He made this very well. Good music, decorations everywhere, giving hats to the guests when they arrived… I had to confess it was quite funny, but it wasn't my thing at all. I was wandering around, talking a few minutes with Jin and Sun, and then with Mamacita and Little Aaron. He was a really good boy. She took care of him and brought him up very well. In the corner I noticed Jin, Sun and Hugo talked all together and looking at me sometimes. I wasn't an idiot I knew they were talking about me and something was going to happen…

"Will you excuse me Mamacita, I need to talk to the big guy right there." Claire nodded smiling to me.

"Sure, see you later."

I nodded and walked to Hurley, but Sayid came in front of him.

"Hey Sawyer! How are you? It's been a while."

"Yeah yeah. I need to…"

"Come with me, we're going to talk for awhile."

I rolled my eyes and followed Sayid.

"So what's up man?"

"Well… huh… still writing my book."

"Good good."

I found stranger that Sayid was actually talking with me… and I didn't realize we were walking to a room except when he opened the door, pushed me inside and closed it behind me. I, immediately, tried to open it but locked.

"Sonofabitch! Open this damn door!"

"Well, the con man has been conned."

I turned and found out Kate sitting on the bed.

"What the hell!" I moved to her and undid the blind-fold she had on her eyes.

"What happened?"

"When I arrived, Sun and Jin put me this damn blind-fold on and brought me there."

She stood up and looked at me.

"What are you doing here?"

Well, I didn't know what I was doing here. But the all group was going to pay for that.

"Dunno."

I sighed and looked at her. This girl has always been beautiful. Kate is the kind of girl with a natural beauty, even if dirt all over and straw in her hair she would be beautiful. Tonight, she was wearing a black empire waist dress with black pumps. Her hair was free. She pushed her brand of her hair behind her ear.

"How are you?" She finally asked after a silence.

"Good, ya?"

She nodded. "I am fine."

"Have you an idea of …"

"I think they want us to talk…"

"About what?"

She shrugged. "I don't know."

I sat on the bed. "So, what's up? Hugo told me you were dating a lawyer."

Kate looked at me strangely and then relaxed. "Really?"

"That's what he said."

"Well… why would you be interested in knowing about my boyfriend?"

"I'm not interested, Cupcake, just curious."

"Curious? Would you be a little bit jealous?"

I laughed. "Hell not!"

She sat next to me.

"I don't have any boyfriend. I don't know why Hugo told you that."

My heart stopped. I stared at her, her look was straight.

"Lucky will be the one who will share your life, Sweet Cheeks."

Suddenly, she stood up like a fury and turned to face me.

"Really? This guy would be so lucky? Do you really think this?"

"Oh easy, Sweetheart. What did I say?"

"You said the guy I would be with, would be lucky! So… why? Because if this guy would be so lucky, why don't you want to be this guy! You are so stupid! You don't even think before talking."

She stopped out of breath. I could see her trembling.

"Hurley told me you wouldn't come. That's why I said I would. I didn't want to see you."

"Why?"

"Why? You ask me why? Because I hate you! I don't want to deal with you! You break my heart each time I see you."

"I'm sorry."

"You're sorry of what? Avoiding me?"

Kate told me everything she felt that night and I listened to her, regretting some of my choices and cherishing some moment of my life. I was like a helpless boy, scared of what could happen. But she was true and obviously she needed me to do so.

"I'm sorry to be in love with you."

She looked at me straight. "What?"

"I said I am sorry to be in love with you. The only reason I avoid you it's… because I love you. You deserve better than me, Kate. You deserve a man who can make you happy, and I'm not that guy. I will never be."  
"How can you? How do you know you're not able to make me happy? You didn't even try! You don't try! You jump off a helicopter or you leave without a word. You are a coward, you don't love me because if you really do, you'll be with me, fighting day after day for your relationship."

"Kate…"

"Maybe our friends were right to lock us down here, we talked and we cleared the situation. I think it's time to say goodbye James."

I never knew if she really wanted to say goodbye. I never asked her. But one thing was clear: I couldn't tell her goodbye. She was the only person in this world I couldn't say goodbye. Each time we have been separated, I hoped we would find each other again. I moved to her at that moment. She step back but met the drawer chest.

"You can't ask me that, Freckles."

She didn't answer. She never asked me this question again. From the bedroom, we could hear our friends counting down.

10, 9, 8…

The first time I felt like this, I was locked down in a cage. She was there, looking at him, tears in her eyes.

7, 6, 5, 4…

I bent down cupping her face in my hands. My heart was beating strong in my chest. I was in love for the first time of my life and I always will be.

3, 2, 1…

I gave her a spectacular kiss as I usually did. But what happened next is another story.


	2. Chapter 2 : in French

C'était trop puissant. La chaîne se serrait autour de sa taille et l'attirait vers le fond du trou. Elle transpirait à cause de cette intense chaleur et de sa lutte, de sa peur. Sa peur de tomber. Qu'il y avait-t-il au fond de l'abysse?  
Elle était de plus en plus faible, secondes après secondes. Ses doigts, elle ne savait comment, tenaient le bord.

"Kate!"

Son coeur se serra. Elle ouvrit les yeux et regarda vers le haut. Elle y rencontra son regard. Son regard appeuré.

"Tiens bon!"

"Je... je ne peux pas..." Elle murmura faiblement comme si c'était trop d'effort. Elle n'avait plus de force.

"Je t'ai dit de tenir! N'imagine même pas laisser tomber Kate."

Il attrapa son bras et essaya de la remonter.

"Allez Kate!"

Elle prit une profonde respiration, aussi profonde qu'elle le pouvait et essaya de ne pas résister à son aide.

"Sawyer..."

C'était plus un souffle qu'un mot. Il la tenait fermement. Elle grimaça de douleur quand la chaine serra encore un peu plus.

* * *

Il sentait les larmes mmonter. Non. Non. Ca ne pouvait pas arriver. Il l'avait déjà perdu une fois, cela ne pouvait pas arriver une seconde fois. Il ne laisserait pas cela se produire.

"Tiens bon, je t'en prie accroches toi." Répéta-t-il comme une prière. Il n'avait jamais cru en Dieu, mais si il le devait pour sauver Kate, il y croirait. Et cela jusqu'à sa propre mort.

Kate, je t'en supllie, tu dois m'aider à te sortri de là."

"C'est... je peux pas..."

Elle hurla quand la chaîne la comprima encore et l'attirait de plus en plus. Sawyer frissona, entendant la douleur dans sa voix et sentant son bras glisser.

"N'essaye même pas de partir, encore."  
"Je suis désolée.  
"Ne le sois pas. Tu dois juste sortir d'ici!"

Elle pleurait maintenant. De peur et de douleur, présuma-t-il.

"Je suis désolée, je ne te l'ai jamais dit..."  
"Je m'en fous de ce que tu as à dire! Aide moi! N'abandonne pas! Ne pars pas, Kate!"

Son bras glissa encore. Il ne tenait plus que sa main maintenant. Ses doigts lachèrent le bord.

"Je t'aime."

"Merde!" Jura-t-il, il rattrapa son bras et réessaya de la tirer.

"Sawyer tu ne peux pas me sauver."

"La ferme!"

"Saywer, ca fait mal."

"J'ai dit la ferme!"

"James..."

Il la regarda et vit, dans ses yeux, qu'elle avait déjà abandonner. Il priait intérieurement, il priait tellement qu'une douleur intense s'installa dans son coeur, sa tête, ses mains.

* * *

"Je t'aime, je t'ai toujours aimé." Répéta-t-elle, en pleurant. Elle avait trop mal. Une partie d'elle voulait se laisser tomber, une autre voulait continuer à s'accrocher et passer encore, ne serait-ce que quelques secondes avec lui. Mais cependant, elle n'avait pas le choix. C'était trop intense. Il ne pouvait pas l'aider. Même si il était fort, il ne pourrait jamais la sortir de ce trou.

"Est-ce que tu ferais quelque chose pour moi, Saywer?"

Il secoua la tête. "Dès que tu seras sauvée."  
"Non. Pitié. Pas le temps. Sawyer."

Elle n'arrivait plus à faire des phrases, elle était trop affaiblie.

"Oui..." Soupira-t-il.

"Dis moi au revoir cette fois."

Il secoua la tête, ses yeux pleins de larmes. Elle reconnaissait à peine son visage.

"Tu ne peux pas me demander ca."

"Dis le."

"Je ne peux pas Kate. Je ne veux pas que tu partes. Je suis tellement désolé. Ne me quittes pas. Pas comme ca."

Son bras glissa. Il rattrapa de justesse sa main. La chaîne serra encore.

"Kate..."

"Laisse moi partir."

Une larme cola le long de sa joue.

"on se retrouve dans une autre vie, Freckles."

Elle ferma les yeux et tomba.


End file.
